In a relationship

– Good morning! We need a psychiatric assessment for a patient…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– Hi! I need to talk to you because the coronavirus isolation is killing me…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– Dear customer, the amount you must pay for this month is…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– And this psychotherapy patient told me this and I didn’t know what to…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– The government is badly managing the current crisis and I heard that…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– What do you think about the upcoming crisis that is going to…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– I started to have panic attacks and I called to ask you…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– I’m so bored here at my workplace so I just phoned you to…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– I have a business proposal for you and…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– I have no one to talk to and I feel so lonely and…
– Get the hell out of my life!

– Hello Cezar! I just thought about you. How are you?
– I’m fine. One month in absolute isolation. Kinda tough. How are you?

Almost everyone wants something from you. Professional help or advice, someone to (small-)talk to, company, an opportunity to kill time or to make money, etc. You are needed; you are useful for someone in some way, although not always this is obvious to you. You are the solution for someone else’s problem(s). This logic of utility is so common and you got used to it to such a degree that you can’t even see it as a subject of reflection. Using and being used has become the norm.

Have you ever looked at a person – straight in the eye – and became aware that that person is actually another conscious human being… and not “something you can use for this or that” ?

Have you ever been stricken by the Mystery and the Unknown irradiating from her eyes? Did you ever had the time to look at her eyes and feel (perceive) the Universe looking back to you – the same Universe looking back to her through your own eyes?

Beyond the everyday struggle – when you forget who you are and who that other person is – do you still have the time to… wonder…, to… marvel… ?

In the deafening sound of the silence surrounding me, I feel I might have been a solution, a tool, a (professional) service, a form of entertainment, ultimately an object… Now, when I’m no longer asking anything from anyone, and I sit here in solitude, I understand that for many I was just that.

Don’t be fooled by the words “relationship” or “connection”. We’re all connected in some way; we’re in some kind of relationship. But most relationships are object-based; we fulfill a need. Rarely, we find true relationships, between human beings who acknowledge each other. I value these. The rest belongs to the chapter of social conveniences, of decorum, of good manners. In hard times (like now), I answer gracefully (and unauthentically) to all the external requests. Through my eyes however, the Mystery in me contemplates the many distractions employed by others, perhaps to avoid meaningfully looking into each others’ eyes. That makes you vulnerable; when you truly look in someone else’s eyes, the other can also see in your soul…

PS: By the way… check my book, Twilight Tales.

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