This year has been quite challenging. I started it under the sign of sickness and death, then continued it under the sign of solitude, and I end it now under the sign of struggle. I’m living in France for some time, and dealing with a locked unit managing the worst psychiatric patients in Strasbourg isn’t the most beautiful scenery I’ve ever seen in my life… on the contrary… I have worked the entire year on acceptance and on assuming my poor life-choices – one of the most difficult tasks so far – and I’m approaching New Year in utter exhaustion… In short, life is getting harder for me with the passing of time.
Despite this, I am pleased with where and how I am right now. I might not be in my best shape – most likely I am the opposite of what I dreamed to become – but the fact that I could take all the blows life has thrown at me and still being alive and writing – well… this is something to celebrate… Because there were moments this year when I said to myself that I, honestly, can’t take it anymore…
After a lot of hesitation and meditation, I decided to close the Romanian chapter of my life. I lived enough in Romania and I think that I had enough of it. I will never say “never” but I do not plan to return. My mission – which I freely took upon me – was to educate and elevate my Romanian-speaking writers and also influence in a constructive manner the general public, by providing awareness and also criticizing the society in general. It was a utopian idea of changing the world, and even if I still function on utopian ideas, I also understood that my power as a lone individual is too small, and there is need for a collective revolution if change is to happen.
In the middle of emptiness and meaninglessness, I came to understand something important, something I covered theoretically in a previous article (Boredom & Inner Orientation). While browsing many social media articles and watching the news, it struck me that people are getting bored because they are sharing, analyzing and repeating the same information over and over and over again. Have you noticed how many cover songs are performed after original themes? Have you noticed that many famous films are being “revisited” several times and the same story is being played over and over again? Or in science… if you work in this field… have you noticed that many articles are compiled several times, that a lot of people are doing just statistics and then present their results as original ideas while it’s nothing but analyzing the same known stuff? In fact, I see that little is being created as a result of original thinking and a lot more is created as a result of putting together information or patterns, hoping that something new, and possibly financially rewarding, might come out of it.
I think that a lot of our today’s boredom and void emerges from our passive and receptive attitude; we wait or seek from the exterior something that has the power to entertain us, while it is also in our power to actually create something new. I know; it takes time and effort to create. But it keeps us alive and provides significance and meaning to our existence.
I care a lot about my readers but I also care about myself. For me, this blog has always acted as creative self-therapy during hard times. I am currently immersed in the French culture and my time is limited. As a result, you’ll find soon many French-language articles here, alongside the usual English ones. I added a Translate Article button on the side of each page, if needed be. French is my least developed language so it should be easily translatable.
What I particularly liked in my life was the idea of borders and living on borders. I was born and lived half of my life on the border with the Russian world, then I lived on the spiritual and linguistic border with the Hungarian and German minorities in Transylvania. Every time I lived abroad, I lived on or closer to the border between France and Germany. Being familiar with borders means that I am highly skilled at building bridges across the borders, and somehow my job is also about building links and maintaining passages between different worlds that would otherwise be separated by misunderstanding and fear. So, in a way, it comes natural for me to have this desire to move between worlds and do a work of translating concepts and finding linguistic and cultural equivalents. In part, this fuels my desire to open myself to the French world more than I did before.
See you next year!