One important aspect in a couple is the power of domination. Rarely discussed, the dynamic of power has a significant impact on the history of the partnership and on its stability. More often we see aspects like love, commitment or sexuality as main ingredients of a lasting relationship, but domination is also essential.
Domination can’t be explained easily; it must be witnessed, observed, felt. It’s an attitude that can’t be described in words, so I will refrain from elaborated explanations. I will only point out to some aspects that you need to take into consideration and, according to your own emotional intelligence, you will understand the rest.
Below are 2 videos of the same melody I posted yesterday in my previous article. It’s Meat Loaf singing the same song live, and in the second video it’s him and Aspen Miller playing the famous duet at the end of the song. Note the radically different way of singing the song while live on a scene. Note the restlessness of the singer and the dramatic attitude. Note the unusual length of the song; it’s a song from a time when artists really performed quality pieces and I’m sure you’ll feel exhausted at the end, due to the unusually long text and the changing musical themes.
Both videos are full of significant moments: the tendency of Meat Loaf to connect with the entire arena at the beginning of the first video, the intense restlessness acting like symbol for the agitated life some of us might have, the fact that we can’t always achieve relaxation and “the right mood”, when he says he can’t play. Also note the fact that he appears to be careless about his appearance and clothes, like some sort of rough monster, while the woman exaggerates her sexual appearance both in clothes, in attitude and using her sensual voice. This happens because they both play the animus-anima of the other one, they complement each other.
In the second video, you can clearly see what domination means. Initially, she is seductive and he is adding a lot of words to his discourse. But then, she changes. She becomes tough, defiant, masculine. She highlights the fact that he will lose interest in her after a while and will abandon her. She criticizes him for something that might happen in the future, using her previous life experience as rationale. It’s a direct confrontation and direct aggression towards him, suggesting supposed superficiality of his feelings. She in fact checks the stability of his emotional side (out of the unconscious evolutionary need of the woman to secure a safe nest for future kids) and tests if she can rely on him. At this moment, the song stops.
The logic of domination is simple: you dominate or the other one dominates you. You never share power at the same time and using the same style or in the same realm. In most couples there is only one who dominates and the other one who is dominated. In some flexible couples, there might be some sort of domination from one side at a particular level while the other partner dominates in a different realm, but there isn’t shared domination on the same realm. Different realms include sexuality, finance, socializing, etc. But most often, you can clearly see who the boss is.
In this case, the woman issued a challenge. She ridicules him (his feelings for her and their stability). He must answer. And he has 2 options: either wins the contest and dominates her, or not. He must find a way to show his power. If he doesn’t, although she might overlook his response, she will know deep inside her that he is not “man enough” to dominate her, and this will inevitable switch (emotional) roles: he becomes the feminine of the couple and she becomes the masculine. In time, switched roles rarely last (some exceptions in homosexual couples, for instance), so the fate of the couple is determined in situations like this one.
Initially, he is surprised. You can see his shock on his face. Suddenly, she revealed her masculine side. Then follow moments when he seems to say inwardly something like “how dare you?!” Then, he changes his voice to a very soft tone, showing his feminine side, followed by an increase in tonality up to a complete escalation and palpable violence. Particularly observe the expression of his eyes, an absolute fury, barely contained. The climax is achieved when you get the feeling of tangible fear; you feel as if he is going to slap her on the scene. Unexpectedly, fear appears in this couple, because the challenge has been excessive and some sort of possible and virtual punishment must be enacted. In a way, it’s normal: she made the assumption that he might leave her after a while; now he makes the assumption that he might become violent and abuse her. Fear can’t be tolerated too much, so her attitude changes dramatically and she becomes docile and evasive, almost trying to calm him down. Consequently, the domination game is won by him, reestablishing him as the dominating male and the masculine side of the couple.
As I said, the game of domination is purely emotional and attitudinal. In order to understand it, you need to use “emotional reasoning or emotional logic”. Usual logic does not work. The entire scene seems to be pointless, a loss of time, from the rational perspective. But from the emotional viewpoint, domination remains a necessary ingredient if the couple is to last.