I do not write poems. I do not have this gift. But I felt I needed to put my latest insights in an unusual form, something that is likely to remain unique. The lyrics do not have a rhyme, but many things in life do not have either…
Yesterday I was stricken by the fact that everything I did in my life was for a subsequent purpose, for an ulterior motive. It was as if I was preparing for something great, for a final exam, and I was supposed to make proof of incredible skills and experience, have a great résumé of accomplishments in all aspects of my life.
But then my life changed. I ended up in a forsaken town deep in the middle of nowhere. Everything that I was hoping and preparing for has vanished. And then came the day when I began to doubt the fundamental axioms of my life: What if there isn’t any God? What if this life is all there is? What if there isn’t a future where I can finally be happy? Everything I did turned meaningless. Future got voided of its value. And the present became everything that really ever mattered.
I will be in Cluj-Napoca around the New Year’s Eve and will be celebrating alone in the street with foreigners. It is no longer an extra experience for my life résumé and I’m not eager to do it. It’s just the fact that my life sucks.
Happy winter holidays to everyone and see you again in 2016!
I might be dead tomorrow…
And all that I know
And all that I know to do
Could be useless.
I might not live to live
The joy I am relentlessly preparing for;
Learning, experiencing, suffering,
Hindering myself from living
In the present moment.
I always played life
For the purpose of it.
I never lived the play
For the pleasure of it.
When the possibility that this life might not have a meaning
I am left foolish,
Foolishly learning lessons,
Foolishly achieving good grades
For a final exam that might never come.
Some say that life has a meaning
Others say it doesn’t have at all;
But constantly preparing for a future –
be it meaningful or not –
Steals the time of the present moment
And gives it to the future.
A future that is nothing but a thought
In the present.
I had enough of preparing for the time to come.
All I want is to live everything:
Emotions, pleasure, bliss,
Enough with the rehearsals!
I’m out in the open space