The moments of emotional and physical death might not coincide.

2 thoughts on “How?

  1. Funny you should post this. Honestly, I have wondered this before in relation to myself. For example, when I had polio at 3 and I was in a coma and in an iron lung. The doctors gave my parents no hope. I would die in spite of the medical staff’s best efforts. What if I really did? Yes, when I finally got out of the hospital after a year and was pretty debilitated, I went home with my parents and brothers and sisters. But could I have really been dead? When I went to grade school, high school and college could I have been dead? When I got married and worked and played could I have been dead? I suppose it is possible but then I have to ask, if I was dead for all of these milestones, were all the people I interacted with on a daily basis also dead? or did they know they were interacting with a dead person? Hmmm…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think you were dead. I would say you “lived a minima”. You survived so as to flourish later. People are very flexible and adaptable, and you somehow found the way to survive.
      This post comes after an awareness moment I got yesterday, when I understood that “appetite doesn’t come while eating” (it’s a Romanian saying). I tried to build a lot of stuff, both in Romania and in France, I even tried to build relationships and destroyed relationships because the “construction” didn’t seem to resist in the long term. Here, in the middle of nowhere and bordering psychosis every day, I understood that I need emotion first, and only after I should build something on it… I constructed my life on rational bases, strategic bases, but didn’t pay attention to emotion, to my dreams and desires. Slowly but surely, the emotions faded away and now I feel pretty much nothing. I had to follow a long path of acceptance of my inner structure: the efficient actions and decisions, in my case, are always emotionally motivated. So, changing the saying, “I must have a good appetite so that I can eat”. I took the decision that my physical death should coincide with my emotional one, and this means I am ready to even return back to Romania, in poverty, if that is the only way I can remain emotionally alive. I assumed this already. I am ready. I am fed up with a life of rationalizations.


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