Inception

Strasbourg GareI have arrived. I am in time for my appointment. 992 days have passed and I am exactly in the same spot. 992 days older. 992 days closer to death. 992 days more experienced than the last time…

I am at home.

There is nowhere where I’d like to go from here, nowhere to return to…

I am just a traveler in the main railway station of Strasbourg. I am equally just a traveler residing for some time on a planet orbiting a star. This is my reality.

I want to sit on the same seat where I sat years ago but there is someone already there. Next to the guy there is an empty seat, but our eyes cross for a moment and I am struck by the possibility that he also has the same conversation I had years ago with the seemingly empty seat next to him. I don’t want to interfere, so I move on.

I get into a shop I know and, obviously, I honor the historical moment by buying the “pain au lait” that acted like a leitmotif during my previous experience in Alsace. I find a place to sit down and time stops for a couple of minutes while I enjoy it.

I still have another voyage today. I must reach the German border. I look at the same bluish table. I have to wait. This is the hardest thing for me… waiting…

My friend is nowhere to be found. I look at the structure of the railway station beyond the table. This reminds me of something… I close my eyes and I instantly get outside. I look back. For someone first arriving in Strasbourg, the station appears to have the unmistakable shape of a starship. This is something I recognize…

Once upon a time, I lived on a starship…

My thoughts are interrupted by some passers-by.

Where is my friend? Why there isn’t any magic? Why my reality is no longer colored either by some eagerness to run away or by my legendary drive to create? Where are my dreams? Where is my motivation? Why I don’t expect anything from the place I will soon inhabit? Why I can’t feel anything? Why I lost my desires?

I open my eyes and I look intensely around me, gathering as much life as I possibly can. I grasp the present moment and I say to myself quietly, in a soft-spoken voice:

“I escaped from Romania!”

Strasbourg Gare bis

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4 thoughts on “Inception

  1. I’m OK for now. The job is fine, the team is fine, the country is ok. But I feel lonely, which is something that was to be expected… I guess I can’t have everything from the beginning…

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  2. Pingback: Dialogue in the Gulag | Cezar Danilevici

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