My Inner Song

The SongYes, I resigned. September the 30th will be my last day as specialist psychiatrist in Romania. I leave behind me a great position in a private clinic and a contract with the national health insurance authority. A dream for most of my colleagues…

By many standards, I am a completely crazy person.

Most of our decisions are made out of fear: fear of poverty, fear of losing one’s security, fear of the unknown… This fear prevents us from seeing the numerous opportunities around us and acts like a fog that covers everything, distracting us from our path and fooling us with mirages.

But each of us has a song inside. Beyond the soft whisper of the negative personal script that was initially made out of fear, there is another voice. The voice of our mission, the voice of the promise we made to ourselves at the beginning. I hear that song. And I won’t let it die.

Right now I have no options for my professional life. No offer. No idea. And I like it this way. I like to believe that I have the guts to jump into the unknown without safety measures, without a back-up plan. This is courage. And this is madness.

Below it’s an autobiography written by Portia Nelson. Although it could be applied in other areas of my life as well, it concludes my experience in Romania.

I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

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