The Complex of Abandonment

This article was written on Sunday, July 15, 2012.
It is one of the most disturbing pieces of "fantasy" I ever wrote.

Earth“So you want to come to the Earth…” said my Friend. “But you know… the Earth has an archetypal mental field. This is how the spirits experience life there. You have to choose a path of your own, ‘cause you’ll have to start from somewhere… Come! I’ll show you something!”

I was watching a woman crying. Newly married, she was gradually learning that her husband was a violent alcoholic psychopath. She knew there is going to be an end to her family story, but she had one hope: a child could… might… should… in a miraculous way… sort-of… fix everything. If not, at least she should have a child as a reason to keep on.

“One of the ways to experience life is to identify with the orphan archetype or have the abandonment complex. It is one of the widest spread experiences on Earth. The child who’s going to be born from this couple will have no choice but to live the abandon. His parents will inevitably split. This is his dasein, what is given to him at the beginning, and he will have to live with it. He can’t change this and he has no free-will on this. But the abandonment is one of the most interesting and awarding life-paths, on the condition that you know how to make the most of it. The vécu abandonnique carries inside itself the resolution of the complex and the key to the return back to the spiritual state of awareness.”

I looked at my Friend a little confused.

“Let’s meet someone!” he said.

The Child was crying alone in one room of his grandparents. He was praying God to make something to stop his parents from divorcing. He was searching for strategies to keep them together.

“He can’t” said my Friend. “He doesn’t have the knowledge, nor the power. He learns that there are things that can’t be the way he wants them. He feels tolerated here, in this house, by his grand-parents. He knows he doesn’t have a home and he lives in a provisional state. He will learn that the provisional state is the most durable and having a home and a family is an exception. He will feel inadequate when he compares himself with other children. He’ll be blamed for many things. He’ll be blamed by his grand-father for “existing”, because his mother will never marry “because of him”. He will be praised only if he has very good results at school. He will be visited by his father every… say… 3 months or so… and his grandparents will teach him to say only bad words to his father, blaming him for his passion for alcohol. His parents will even make lists of things he must say to his father and he’ll be blamed if he forgets to say something. He will be the weapon of revenge of his grandparents, mad because their daughter doesn’t have a life now. Consequently, the father will distance even more of his son, so that the abandonment will become even more real.
Being tolerated in the house of his grandparents, the Child will develop particular qualities. He will never derange or disturb the family members, he will learn to be as absent as possible. He will try not to have any qualities. He will not be allowed to make noise; he will become just “a brick in the wall”. He will never be shown love by his grand-parents, because they are, at their turn, unable to express feelings.
He will play alone in the garden. He will develop his Imagination and Creativity to the highest possible levels. He will have imaginary friends to play with and an entire imaginary world where he has the control, given the fact that he can’t control at all the outer world.
He will become very fusional in love and in relationships, unable to distinguish between love, belonging and sacrifice.”

“That’s why the Earth is called a planet of the suffering” I said, looking at the poor child.

“That’s not all” said my Friend.

The Teenager was devastated. He couldn’t invite Her to the dance. He was in a horrible state for a week or so. Depersonalized, shocked. Why? Why is he so shy?

“He is trapped now” said my Friend. “He will survive the horror of the desert and of the loneliness for many years. He will struggle. He’ll live the Hell. And will do this for years. He will always be afraid to lose what he already has. The fear of losing will haunt him. The fear of being rejected will come hand in hand with the feeling of not being loved and of the reality of being excluded from any group. He will feel defective, he will question what the others have and he hasn’t. He will end up by being a misanthrope, envying the others at the same time. His personality will organize itself around pessimistic ideas. He will feel betrayed and question himself why, after all the good things he did during his life, he still gets nothing. He will question Faith, Justice and Love. Every cell in his body will know that there is no escape and he is a victim of the lack of love of the others. He will feel himself shell-proof against anything, both good or bad, living in a cage he has to carry.”

“What is he doing there?” I asked.

The Young was sitting on a rock and looking in the empty space beneath his feet.

“This is the Belvedere hill near the city where he studies now” explained my Friend. “In a glimpse of the unconscious mind, he chose to leave his hometown and go as far as possible. He doesn’t know it yet, but he begins to wake up. He has chosen a distant, cold and unwelcoming city, following his complex. He has chosen the profession of physician, following the very same complex, saying to himself that he wants to help the others just like he wasn’t helped himself. He believes he is full of love for others and altruism, but he’s playing the same play, disguised. He has even met a girl, willing to be accepted, approved and to fit in, but he has unconsciously chosen the coldest and the most full-of-problems person available in the entire city. They split before even being together because he had too strong principles inside him, one of them being that it’s better to abandon before being abandoned or before witnessing abandonment. He left home, physically, but he is not free inside. Now he wants to commit suicide by throwing from the rock. But he won’t. He will be saved by his Curiosity: what comes next? He will live alone for many, many years, out of Curiosity. He will finish his studies, begin other studies, live even in the capital-city. But he will return.”

“Who’s the lady?”

“Oh… another spirit of the light. Another complex, another history of life. She’s teaching him the art of guiding the other spirits in their paths. He is going to start the hardest battle of all. He will work with himself a lot, he will gather knowledge, he will defy himself, challenge himself. She will give back to him the 3 spiritual weapons: the Consciousness, the Free-will and the Determination. He will change his life; will get a girlfriend – equally cold, chosen on the same complex – , and will even change his country, going somewhere where he’ll be even more abandoned. While being abroad he will finally understand that the journey is an inner journey. He will return.”

“And why is he staying now in that room, at 40 degrees Celsius and shivering like he’s in the middle of the winter?”

“Because he inevitably read a book about the experience of abandon and now understands that everything, all his life, he acted and enacted the same complex. This would make anybody shiver even during the strongest heat wave. But he knows now that there is nothing more to do; he is not in denial anymore, he doesn’t surrender and he doesn’t counterattack the complex. He accepts it as part of him, as part of his life and as something that has been decided even before his birth. Therefore, he is finally free.”

“That’s a great journey. But this changes you forever as well. And now? What’s next?”

 My Friend smiled: “It’s up to him to decide!”


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