Greetings!

Greetings“Hello Cezar!”
I raise my eyes to the guy who said this.
It’s a colleague I know for many years, one of those who stayed in one place while I wandered in many places of this world. I greet him back.
 “How’s your life now?”
 “I’ve returned here again.”
We exchange some banalities and then we shake hands and he departs.

I feel good. My inner eye perceives an increase in my sense of power. The guy is not a nobody in the city, yet he stopped and greeted me, without any expectation. A normal thing when you meet someone. But why do I feel good?

There was a time when I was thinking that my power lies in being accepted, approved or recognized by the others. Been there… Didn’t heal that yet…
I smile at the instinctive emotion I got. It’s a lie. My real power has nothing to do with the fact that I’m back, that I’m a doctor and I have a job again (something that is socially significant in Romania). I was lost, unemployed and weak, and still had my inner power, something that can’t be taken by life events.

Despite my awareness on my source of power – quite a laughable situation if I look back – I still feel good about meeting my colleague. It’s not only the normal happiness, it’s something more. It’s something that adds to the normal emotion. It’s something that my colleague unknowingly has given to me. Something that I’m probably not giving to myself and expect from the outside. Attention. Recognition. Acceptance. All these given unconditionally.

This is how you get dependent. This is how you become vulnerable. Since that moment, I vowed to take myself into consideration more often. And feel good when I occasionally say to myself: “Hello Cezar!”

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Greetings!

  1. So true for me as well. Wy do we need others to fully value ourselfs? Sometimes I feel like it is my one and only mission to find this *inner* power source, despite or without the need for other’s strokes.
    Keep up the good work Cezar. Your experiences seem to follow my every day struggles, with tight accuracy. .

    Like

    • The question shouldn’t be “Why?” but “How?” we stop doing this…
      Answering to Why is difficult; it would include personal beliefs about the meaning of life on Earth and we won’t know it for sure during our lifetime (perhaps we will in the afterlife). Why some people have secure attachments and loving families and others struggle with approval seeking? I don’t know how it was decided and by whom…
      Answering to How is easier. For me is self-awareness and a constant move towards increasing the amount of Love I give to myself.
      Thanks!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s