Me and God

Note: This text is bilingual, in English and Romanian.

How you treat yrself

Attachment has a meaning when you’re talking about Love. When you don’t love, you’re not attached. You are in non-attachment. And there are plenty of people in this situation.
We witness attachment when talking about relationships. Relationships with other people, more often our lovers or members of our family. But the others come and go… Truth is, we face this world alone. There are things and actions nobody can do for us, or in our name. WE do them. We are born, we make decisions, we love, we die – just to name a few very private things we do by ourselves… However, even if we’re alone, we can’t be, in fact, totally alone. There are 2 concepts, 2 principles, 2 notions… it’s hard to define them… that are always present in our life, from the first scream to the last breath: our Consciousness and God.

Atasamentul are un sens atunci cand vorbim despre Iubire. Cand nu iubesti, nu esti atasat. Esti in non-atasament. Si sunt o multime de oameni in aceasta situatie.
Vorbim despre atasament atunci cand vorbim despre relatii. Relatii cu alti oameni, mai ales cu iubitii/iubitele sau membrii familiei. Dar oamenii vin si pleaca… Adevarul e ca trebuie sa facem fata singuri acestei lumi. Exista lucruri care nu pot fi facute de nimeni pentru noi sau in numele nostru. NOI trebuie sa le facem. Ne nastem, luam decizii, iubim, murim – doar ca sa mentionez vre-o cateva lucruri foarte personale pe care le facem doar noi-insine… Totusi, chiar daca suntem singuri, nu putem fi, de fapt, absolut singuri. Exista 2 concepte, 2 principii, 2 notiuni… e greu sa le definesc… care sunt totdeauna prezente in viata noastra, de la primul scancet si pana la ultima suflare: Constiinta noastra si Dumnezeu.

My text is easy to be challenged. People can argue that the 2 concepts don’t exist, or they are something totally different. And it might be true. Little is known about these 2 things. One thing is sure: for most of the people in this world, their relationship with themselves and with a higher power is essential, very important, and determines their life, thoughts, emotions and decisions.

Textul meu e usor de combatut. Oamenii pot spune ca cele 2 concepte nu exista, sau sunt ceva cu totul diferit. Si ar putea sa fie adevarat. Se stiu putine lucruri despre aceste 2 lucruri. Dar un lucru e sigur: pentru majoritatea oamenilor din aceasta lume, relatia lor cu ei insisi si cu o putere mai mare decat ei este esentiala, foarte importanta, si le determina viata, gandurile, emotiile si deciziile.

Not everyone believes in God or a higher force. For some people faith is enough (freethinkers), others need an organized cult (religion). Other people are atheists. Some atheists have morality as a guide, others have nothing.

Nu toti credem in Dumnezeu sau o putere superioara. Pentru unii oameni, credinta e suficienta (liber-cugetatori), altii au nevoie de un cult organizat (religie). Altii sunt atei. Unii atei au moralitatea ca si ghid, altii nu au absolut nimic.

Not everyone believes in their Self or their Consciousness. We say that some people are in a relationship with themselves and others are not. People who are not in a relationship with themselves are simple people, that are happy to exist and that’s all. If they come with a problem in therapy and you ask them: “Where are you in this equation? What about you?”, they don’t understand what a hell are you talking about… Most of the people in China, for instance, have the awareness that they are simple pieces in a greater puzzle called “the State”; most of them don’t matter in their own life and that’s why psychotherapy is not needed in countries of this type: there are no inner conflicts to solve. The folks who are in a relationship with themselves acknowledge the fact that they are a distinct object/person in their life; they exist in their mental reality as separate entities and they attach to themselves in a particular manner. To put it in a different way, if someone is able to develop anxiety, he/she exists; when they become able to develop depression, this means that they are in a relationship with their unfulfilled desires, and therefore, they are in a relationship with themselves. From this perspective, being able to be depressed is good news; this means you’re not alone… You are together with yourself.

Nu toti cred in Sine sau in Constiinta proprie. Spunem ca unii oameni sunt in relatie cu ei insisi, iar altii nu sunt. Oamenii care nu sunt intr-o relatie cu ei insisi sunt oameni simpli, care sunt fericiti ca exista si cam asta-i tot. Daca vin cu o problema in psihoterapie si ii intrebi: “Pe unde te afli tu in ecuatia asta? Si cu tine cum ramane?”, ei nu inteleg despre ce naiba vorbesti… Majoritatea celor din China, de exemplu, au perceptia ca sunt simple piese intr-un angrenaj mai mare numit “Statul”; majoritatea dintre ei nu conteaza in propria lor viata si din cauza asta psihoterapia este inutila in asemenea tari: nu exista conflicte interioare ce trebuie rezolvate. Oamenii care sunt intr-o relatie cu ei-insisi, sesizeaza faptul ca ei sunt elemente distincte in viata lor; ei exista in realitatea lor mentala ca entitati separate si se ataseaza de ei insisi intr-un anumit mod. Ca s-o spun altfel, daca cineva e capabil sa dezvolte anxietate, acel cineva exista; cand devine capabil sa dezvolte depresie, inseamna ca e intr-o relatie cu dorintele sale neimplinite, si asadar, el e intr-o relatie cu el-insusi. Din aceasta perspectiva, a fi capabil sa te deprimi e o veste buna; inseamna ca nu esti singur… Esti impreuna cu tine insusti.

In conclusion, some of us aren’t alone. They go by twos or by threes. It’s Me and Myself, or it’s Me, Myself and God. Good news, right? All of a sudden, you discover a different reality. But how is the attachment involved into this situation? Well, because there is a relationship, there is attachment. And the attachment modulates our attitude towards ourselves and towards God. It’s not enough to acknowledge the existence of God or of ourselves; the way we see God and the way we treat ourselves is also of great importance. Why? Perhaps because the others can become images of ourselves at some point in life? At least our lovers? I added the image above just to challenge you to ponder a bit more on this.

In concluzie, unii dintre noi nu sunt singuri. Mergem cate doi sau cate trei. Eu si cu Mine, sau Eu si cu Mine si cu Dumnezeu. Fain, nu ? Dintr-odata descoperi o noua realitate. Dar cum e implicat atasamentul in aceasta situatie? Pai, pentru ca exista o relatie, avem un atasament. Iar atasamentul moduleaza atitudinea noastra fata de noi insine si fata de Dumnezeu. Nu e suficient sa accepti existenta Divinitatii sau existenta ta proprie ca persoana distincta; felul in care privim Divinitatea si felul in care ne vedem pe noi insine are si ea o mare importanta. De ce? Poate pentru ca ceilalti pot deveni propriile noastre imagini la un anumit moment in viata? Cel putin cand vorbim de cei dragi/iubiti/iubite? Am adaugat imaginea de mai sus doar ca sa va provoc sa meditati un pic la acest aspect.

Let’s have a look at the image we already know from the previous article about attachment.

Hai sa ne uitam la imaginea pe care deja o stim din articolul precedent despre atasament.

Attachment Theory

Some people say: “God doesn’t exist! I reject the idea of God! God doesn’t matter to me, I don’t believe in God!” They are concerned with convincing everyone else that God doesn’t exist. You could say they’re atheists. Well, they aren’t. Real atheists don’t have a relationship with God and that’s it; they don’t (often aggressively, hatefully) try to convince you of God’s inexistence. This is the God-Dismissive type. The fundamental assumption is “I’m OK, You’re not-OK”, translated into “I know exactly what’s true (logic, science), you’re just a primitive ignorant (believe in fairytales)”.

Unii oameni spun: “Dumnezeu nu exista! Resping ideea de Divinitate! Dumnezeu nu exista pentru mine, nu conteaza, nu cred in el!” Oamenii astia isi propun sa convinga pe oricine ca Divinitatea nu exista. Ai putea spune ca sunt atei. Pai, nu sunt. Ateii adevarati nu au o relatie cu Divinitatea si punct; ei nu incearca (adesea intr-un mod agresiv si plin de ura) sa te convinga de inexistenta lui Dumnezeu. Asta e tipul Dismissive. Ideea fundamentala e ca „Eu sunt OK, tu nu esti OK”, ceea ce se traduce in „Stiu exact ceea ce e adevarat (logica, stiinta), iar tu esti doar un ignorant si un primitiv (care crezi in povesti si mituri)”.

Others are God-Preoccupied. They love God, they go to church or temple, they express their love for God in numerous ways. People have built churches, have written poems, sacred books, composed religious music, etc. There is an entire “industry” based on the love for God. The underlying idea is however the “I’m not-OK, you’re OK” position, which becomes “I’m sinful (guilty), you (God) are the one able to forgive me”.

Altii sunt Preoccupied. Ei il iubesc pe Dumnezeu, merg la biserica sau templu, isi exprima dragostea de Divinitate in moduri felurite. Oamenii au construit biserici dupa biserici, au scris poeme si poezii, carti sacre, au compus muzica religioasa, etc. Exista o intreaga « industrie » bazata pe iubirea de Dumnezeu. Ideea de baza e totusi « Eu nu sunt OK, tu esti OK », care devine « Eu sunt un pacatos (vinovat), tu (Dumnezeule) esti acela care esti capabil sa ma ierti ».

The God-Fearful is having mixed feelings. God might be the answer, but there is a lot of doubt. God is capricious, changeable, unpredictable. Sometimes God demands to be loved, sometimes God punishes people. People in the Fearful attachment are caught in a love-hate relationship. “We should pray God, because otherwise God will punish us, despite the fact that God loves us”. The underlying position is “I’m not-OK, you’re not-OK”, translated to “I’m a guilty sinful guy and God is going to punish me for this”. Brought to the exterior, this attitude leads to harm and hate (religious self-flagellation but also religion-motivated atrocities towards the others, aiming to please a blood-thirsty God).

Cel Fearful are sentimente amestecate. Dumnezeu poate fi raspunsul, dar exista multa indoiala, mult dubiu. Dumnezeu este capricios, schimbator, impredictibil. Uneori Dumneazeu cere sa fie iubit, uneori Dumnezeu pedepseste oamenii. Oamenii atasati in mod Fearful sunt prinsi intr-o relatie de iubire-ura. „Ar trebui sa ne rugam la Dumnezeu, pentru ca altfel Dumnezeu ne va pedepsi, in ciuda faptului ca Dumnezeu ne iubeste”. Asumptia de baza e „Eu nu sunt OK, tu nu esti OK”, tradus prin „Sunt un om pacatos si vinovat, si Dumnezeu urmeaza sa ma pedepseasca pentru asta”. Adusa in exterior, aceasta atitudine conduce la vatamare/ranire si ura (autoflagelare din considerente religioase dar si atrocitati fata de ceilalti motivate de religie, atrocitati avand ca scop sa placa unui Dumnezeu insetat de sange si sacrificii).

How things should be? Well… “I’m living in God’s light. Sometimes things go well, sometimes they go nasty, but it isn’t really God’s fault. Sometimes God inspires me to find great solutions for my problems, sometimes God lets me find solution by my own effort. I never fear God might leave me; I constantly feel its unseen support”. That would be the God-Secure relationship.

Cum ar trebui sa stea lucrurile? Pai… “Traiesc in lumina iubirii Divine. Cateodata lucrurile merg bine, alteori merg nasol, dar nu e de fapt vina Divinitatii. Uneori Dumnezeu ma inspira sa gasesc solutii bune pentru problemele mele, alteori Dumnezeu ma lasa sa gasesc solutii prin propriul meu efort. Nu imi e teama niciodata ca Dumnezeu m-a putea parasi; ii simt ajutorul si prezenta in mod constant in viata mea”. Cam asa ar arata o relatie de atasament Secure cu Divinitatea.

I began with God because most of us live outside ourselves, in an exterior locus of control, so it’s much easier to understand. Let’s look now at the relationship with ourselves, keeping the eye on the same diagram. But this is something you’re going to do alone. Why? Why I don’t continue and apply the same patterns to your own Self? Because it’s YOUR life and the way you treat yourself is YOUR responsibility. The curiosity needed to continue the journey should come from yourself. You’re only at half-way. Whether you are comfortable with yourself, or you’re preoccupied like a narcissist, or you’re abusing yourself like a dismissive, or you’re living fearfully in a chaotic existence… it’s going to be your discovery and then, your choice. And your secret.

Am inceput discutia cu Divinitatea pentru ca majoritatea dintre noi traim in exteriorul nostru, intr-un locus of control extern, asa ca ne este mai usor sa intelegem. Sa ne uitam acum la relatia cu noi insine, privind din nou la diagrama cu atasamentele. Dar asta e ceva ce vei face doar tu singur. De ce? De ce nu continui sa aplic aceleasi modele asupra Sinelui tau? Pentru ca e viata TA si felul in care te tratezi pe tine insuti este responsabilitatea TA. Curiozitatea de a continua calatoria trebuie sa vina din tine. Esti doar la jumatatea drumului. Fie ca iti este confortabil sa fii tu insuti, fie ca esti preocupat de tine ca un narcisic, sau te auto-abuzezi ca un indiferent, sau traiesti plin de frica intr-o existenta haotica… asta urmeaza sa descoperi singur si, ulterior, vei face propria ta alegere. Si va ramane secretul tau.

Remember… You might see the others at some point in life – unless you already see them now – as images of your-Self. There is really no essential difference between you and them. You and them both had the right to be born on Earth and enter this life. The way you attach to the idea of God will shape the way you treat your existence and the world in general, since this world is God’s creation. The way you attach to yourself however, sets the standard for your attachment to others. Before criticizing your relationships, criticize your own relationship with yourself; before blaming the others, take a look at yourself. And, before complaining about how love is given and received, take a look at how you give and receive love.

Adu-ti aminte… S-ar putea sa-i vezi pe ceilalti la un moment dat in viata ta – daca nu cumva deja ii vezi de pe acum – ca imagini ale propriului tau Sine. Nu este cu adevarat mare diferenta intre tine si ei. Atat tu cat si ceilalti ati avut dreptul de a va naste pe Terra si de a intra in aceasta viata. Felul in care te atasezi de ideea de Divinitate iti va modela felul in care iti tratezi propria ta existenta si lumea in general, de vreme ce lumea e creatia Divinitatii. Insa felul in care te atasezi de tine insuti, seteaza/stabileste standardul pentru atasamentul tau fata de ceilalti. Inainte de a-ti critica relatiile, critica-ti propria relatie cu tine insuti; inainte de a da vina pe altii, uita-te la tine. Si, inainte de a te plange de cum e oferita si primita iubirea, uita-te la modul cum dai si primesti iubirea.

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